How Do I Start IFS?
Googling "How do I start IFS?" or trying to hunt down an IFS counselor in St. Louis? You're not alone. And if you’re finding it overwhelming, you’re also not alone there. Venturing into the world of Internal Family Systems can be a big undertaking - at least initially. You may not know where to start at first. Good news - if you’re reading this, you can start right here. And good news again - if you're reading this, you've already taken the first step – you're curious, and that's a big deal.
How do I start IFS?
First things first, finding the right therapist is key. You’re not just looking for any therapist; you’re looking for an IFS therapist. But - no two IFS therapists are alike. Think of it like dating – you want a match, sure, but really, you want one that gets you, your quirks, and your needs. And when it comes to finding a therapist, fancy titles and acronyms next to a name mean pretty much nothing in terms of the therapeutic relationship (which, is a big deal). The relationship is about that vibe, that connection – you know, the one that says, “Yep, this person gets me.”
*Pro tip*: look for a therapist who has completed at least level 1 training through the IFS Institute.
Coming in with an open mind is your next step. IFS isn’t your run-of-the-mill therapy; it’s a deep dive into the parts of you that you might not even realize exist. So, toss aside any "this is how therapy should be" preconceptions. You're not here for a quick fix or some fluffy coping skills. This is about real, raw healing – the kind that might make you feel like you're turning inside out but in a good way.
And that brings us to the heart of it – be ready to do the work. IFS is not for those looking for a quick fix. It’s for those who are ready to face their inner demons, dance with their shadows, and maybe even high-five a few skeletons in the closet. You're not here to slap a Band-Aid on life's scrapes; you're here to finally heal old wounds. It’s about transforming your pain into power, your chaos into calm. Trust me, it’s worth it. So, buckle up, buttercup – you’re about to embark on one heck of a transformative journey.
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Where To Start With IFS Therapy?
Starting IFS therapy, especially for the first time, can feel like stepping into a new world, one where every part of you gets a voice – even the parts you’ve been trying to ignore. It’s a journey where you're not just dealing with your surface-level issues but diving deep into the core of who you are. You'll identify different parts of your internal family – each with its own unique story, needs, and roles.
Wondering what exactly we mean by “parts of your internal family?” This concept can be a bit confusing at first. And don’t worry, when you’re actually sitting in my therapy office we’ll introduce this concept gently. We’ll start out by having what will feel like regular conversations, as I begin to gently weave in parts language to help you begin to transition into parts work. Speaking of which, here are a few IFS parts examples, starting with some common characters in most individual’s inner narratives
Consider the one I call Miss Perfect - she’s the one who’s obsessed with keeping everything just right. She’s the part of you that's tirelessly ticking off tasks and trying to keep it all together – even if it means running on empty. Then there’s Miss Peaceful, always smoothing things over, often at the expense of your own needs. We can’t forget Little Miss Performer, your free-spirited, imaginative inner child who became trapped in the difficult feelings surrounding familiar conflict and required protection from older parts of your system. And, of course, most of us have a part like Miss Fireball, ready to jump into the fray, fists raised, fighting when we feel threatened or hurt.
These are just a few examples of the IFS parts you might encounter. IFS therapy is about recognizing these parts, getting to know them and understanding their roles, and ultimately, healing old wounds and unburdening and freeing them to be in their most naturally valuable state. In IFS, we often start with the protective parts – the ones that shield us from pain, fear, or discomfort. These parts, in their quest to protect, sometimes keep us from fully embracing life. And, the first step? It’s listening – really listening – to these parts. This builds a lifelong connection between yourself and your various parts. This journey can lead to profound changes in how you view yourself and the world.
What Are The 6 Fs Of IFS Therapy?
Heard about the 6 Fs of IFS therapy? Yeah, we therapists love to jazz things up with alliterations and catchy phrases. It's like our secret code for making complex stuff stick in our brains. But let's be real: sometimes these therapy acronyms can feel like a puzzle. In IFS, the 6 Fs aren't just fancy lingo; they're crucial steps to getting up close and personal with what we call our 'protector' parts. These 'protector' parts are like your internal bodyguards – they're parts of your psyche that jump into action to keep you safe from emotional harm or discomfort. So, understanding these parts can be pretty helpful when you’re getting started with IFS therapy. Let’s go ahead and take a closer look at these 6 F’s:
Find:
The 'Find' phase of IFS is all about awareness. You start by identifying different parts within yourself. This isn't about judging or fixing anything; it's about noticing. It's like acknowledging the various voices, feelings, or thoughts that play a role in your daily life.
Focus:
Then comes 'Focus.' Here, you give your attention to one specific part. Maybe it's a part you're curious about or one that's been particularly loud lately. Focusing means getting to know this part better – what it feels, wants, and why it's there. It's about building a connection to understand its influence on your life.
Flesh Out:
With 'Flesh Out,' you're digging deeper. It's time to explore the memories, beliefs, and experiences tied to this part. This phase helps you understand where this part is coming from. It’s like piecing together a backstory that makes sense of its role in your internal world.
Feel Towards:
'Feel Towards' is about changing your stance towards this part. It's moving from being blended with the part – where its emotions feel like your whole story – to a place of Self-energy. Here, you view the part with curiosity and compassion, setting the stage for a more understanding and empathetic engagement.
Befriend:
In 'Befriend,' you're building a positive relationship with the part. It's not just about understanding it; it’s about accepting and valuing its role in your life. This step fosters trust, allowing for a cooperative relationship between you and the part, paving the way for healing.
Fears:
Lastly, 'Fears' addresses the concerns your parts have about letting go of their protective roles. It’s very common to encounter resistance within your system, particularly from protective parts. Addressing their concerns is an essential step to ensure you have enough Self Energy to continue. You'll acknowledge and alleviate the fears of protective parts, creating a safer space for transformation.
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How To Do IFS Therapy On Yourself?
Many people wonder about doing IFS on your own, and I totally get the appeal of being your own therapist. And, in the beginning, it's crucial to work with an IFS-Institue-trained therapist. They'll help you navigate the tricky parts, (kind of like having bumpers at the bowling alley) and set you up for success.
Now, once you’ve got a solid grasp on things (thanks to some quality time with your therapist) you can start to apply the IFS magic solo. Here’s where you get to flex those internal communication muscles. Ready to start that inner conversation? Arm yourself with these IFS questions to ask parts. They're prompts for an insightful self-dialogue:
Can you find the part (feeling/thought/belief/concern) in or around your body?
Can you focus on it and see if there’s any feeling, body sensation, words, or imagery associated with that part?
What is your anger/worry/sadness/frustration saying to you?
How do you feel about that part?
Ask the part what its role is in your day-to-day life.
What is it trying to do for you?
What is it hoping to accomplish?
Ask the part what it thinks would happen if it wasn’t there to do that job for you.
When/where/why did it get that job?
Does it like its job?
These aren’t just questions; they're the keys to unlocking your internal world. But remember, this is deep work. You're not just ticking boxes; you're engaging with the core of who you are. So take it slow, show yourself some compassion, and don’t forget the value of your therapist’s guidance, especially in the early stages.
Think you're ready to go solo but hit a snag? Hey, it happens to the best of us. That's what I’m here for. If you need to regroup or want to dive deeper, reach out.
IFS Books for Clients
So, what is the internal family system? You might find that a quick skim through my blog posts gives you an intro to the fascinating world of IFS. But if you're the kind who likes to really get into the nitty-gritty, I've got a list of IFS therapy books for anyone looking to dig deeper and understand the ins and outs of IFS. These books aren't just random picks; they're written by some well-respected names in the field, offering insights and explanations that are logical, well-structured, and come from credible sources.
Reading these books can offer a fuller picture of IFS, complementing what we explore in therapy sessions. I've read each of these books personally and recommend them because they align with the approach and philosophy of IFS that I trust and practice. This list isn't exhaustive, but it's a solid starting point. I want you to feel confident in the material, knowing it's something I stand behind, not just something that leaves us both saying, “Wait, what?” when you bring it up in a session.
Specific IFS Books for Clients
Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life by Tom Holmes
Perfect for visual learners, "Parts Work" is an illustrated masterpiece that breaks down the complexities of IFS into beautiful, understandable imagery. It’s a great starting point for anyone new to IFS, simplifying the theory into something that’s both engaging and easy to grasp. Whether you’re a therapist or a client, this book is a valuable tool in your IFS journey.
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
For a deeper yet accessible dive into IFS, Richard Schwartz's "No Bad Parts" is the go-to book. Authored by the creator of IFS himself, this book strikes a perfect balance—it's comprehensive enough for therapists, yet approachable for clients just starting out. Unlike a textbook, it's written with everyday application in mind. It’s your all-in-one guide for understanding and applying IFS principles in daily life, offering insights that go beyond the basics you might find in "Parts Work." If you’re looking to really grasp the essence of IFS in a way that’s relevant to your everyday experiences, this is the book for you.
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Even though "Good Inside" isn't explicitly about IFS, I recommend this one all of the time. Dr. Becky Kennedy’s book, rooted in IFS principles, offers a fresh perspective on parenting that resonates with anyone interested in personal growth. I often recommend this book to clients – parents or not – because it brilliantly mirrors the IFS approach. It’s a read that will give you 'aha' moments about your relationships, both with others and with yourself, shining a light on how your past experiences shape your present. It’s like having a conversation with a wise friend who helps you see the bigger picture of your life's puzzle.
You Are the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard C. Schwartz
Diving into relationships with an IFS lens, this book is a must-read for anyone looking to apply IFS principles to their love life. Though it’s not just about romantic relationships; it's about understanding how we connect with others and ourselves. It’s like having a guide to help you navigate the complexities of relationships through the understanding and compassion of IFS.
Starting IFS in St. Louis, MO
So, you're in St. Louis and ready to take the plunge into IFS therapy? Fantastic choice. Here's the deal: stepping into IFS isn’t just about fixing what’s wrong; it’s about embracing the whole of you, every single part, even the ones you're not so proud of (and we’ll change that, I promise).
As your local IFS counselor in St. Louis, MO, I'm not just another therapist on the block - I’m a depth chaser. I’m about getting to the heart of things. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of your inner worlds. It’s about diving deep, getting real, and yes, sometimes stirring up the mud to find the treasures buried beneath.
If you’re sitting there, reading this, thinking, “Yeah, but is this really for me?” then let me answer that for you: Yes, it absolutely can be. Whether you're a high-flying professional juggling a million things or someone just trying to find a bit of peace amidst the chaos, IFS therapy offers a path to understanding and harmonizing all those parts of you vying for attention.
Ready to start? It’s simpler than you might think. Reach out, and let’s set up a chat. No pressure, no big commitments, just a conversation to see if this is the right fit for you. Starting IFS therapy in St. Louis is about taking that first step toward understanding yourself better, and I’m here to walk that path with you.
