Why Your IFS Therapist Sounds Like Dr. Seuss: The 6 F’s, 8 C’s and 5 P’s of IFS Therapy
Ever wondered why your IFS therapist sounds a bit like Dr. Seuss? It’s all those catchy phrases and memorable mantras—the 6 F’s, 8 C’s, and 5 P’s. You might think they were pulled straight from a whimsical children's book, but there’s a method to this madness. The alliteration isn't just for fun (though it certainly helps keep things lively). It’s a clever way to guide us through the complex terrain of our inner worlds.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy uses these alliterative elements as a framework for understanding and harmonizing the different parts of our psyche. Imagine your mind as a family gathering, with each part playing its own unique role. Sometimes they get along, and sometimes they bicker. IFS helps you navigate these dynamics, bringing more harmony and healing into your life.
But what exactly are these F’s, C’s, and P’s? And why should you care about them? In this post, we’ll break down each element, gently poking fun at their Seussian nature while showing you how they can make a real difference in your journey to self-discovery and growth.
The 6 F’s of IFS: Finding Your Inner Family
In the world of IFS, we start with the 6 F’s: Find, Focus, Flesh Out, Feel Towards, Befriend, and Fears. These are the foundational steps for forming relationships with the different parts of yourself.
Find
First, we find the part of you want to know better - could be a part that’s in distress or a part that is doing something you don’t understand or is causing difficulty in your life. Identifying parts is the first step to giving them the attention they need.
Example Scenario: Imagine you’re feeling overwhelmed at work. Through IFS, you might find the part of you that’s afraid of failure, driving you to overwork and stress.
Focus
Next, we focus on this part. This means really tuning in and listening to what it has to say. It’s the difference between thinking about your overwhelm at work, to being with that part of you that’s overwhelmed.
Example Scenario: You might focus on that fear of failure, noticing how it feels in your body and what thoughts come up.
Flesh Out
Then, we flesh out the details. This involves exploring the part more deeply—its history, its triggers, and its impact on your life.
Example Scenario: As you flesh out your fear of failure, you might discover it stems from a critical parent or past experiences of rejection.
Feel Towards
We then check in about how you feel towards this part - we’re looking for any of the 8 C’s (qualities of Self and Self-energy) - like compassion or curiosity. Instead of pushing it away, Self welcomes it.
Example Scenario: You begin to feel compassion for the part of you that fears failure, understanding it just wants to protect you from pain. This indicates you are in Self, or leading with self-energy.
Befriend
Now, we befriend the part. This means accepting it as a valuable member of your internal family.
Example Scenario: You start to see your fear of failure not as a nuisance but as a part of you that needs reassurance and support.
Fears
Finally, we address the part's fears - fears are always connected to why a part is stuck. What is this part afraid will happen if it lets go of its role? By understanding and addressing these fears, we can help it find new, healthier ways to function.
Example Scenario: Your fear of failure might be afraid that without its constant vigilance, you’ll make mistakes and face rejection. Addressing this fear to the part’s satisfaction helps you find balance and reduce anxiety.
The 8 C’s of IFS: Cultivating Core Self Qualities
Now let’s move on to the 8 C’s: Compassion, Curiosity, Calmness, Connectedness, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and Clarity. These aren’t just catchy terms; they’re the qualities of Self and self-energy: your undamaged, core essence.
Compassion
Compassion is about being gentle and understanding with yourself and others.
Example Scenario: When the part of you afraid of failure is driving you to overwork, compassion from your Self helps offers it genuine kindness and understanding.
Curiosity
Curiosity means being open and interested in your internal world. It's about exploring your parts without judgment.
Example Scenario: Instead of judging your anxiety, you get curious about what it’s trying to tell you, listening to it with interest.
Calmness
Calmness provides a peaceful space where your parts can relax and open up.
Example Scenario: When you’re not overwhelmed by the possibility of failure, you create space for the part of you that is to express itself.
Connectedness
Connectedness fosters a sense of unity within yourself and with others.
Example Scenario: By connecting with your parts, you build a stronger, more cohesive sense of self.
Courage
Courage is the strength to face your fears and take risks.
Example Scenario: Facing the fear of failure with courage allows you to tolerate the overwhelm at work, understanding that you can handle mistakes and learn from them.
Confidence
Confidence is believing in your ability to navigate your internal and external world.
Example Scenario: Trusting your instincts and decisions at work, even when they lead you into unfamiliar territory, reducing the power of the fear of failure.
Creativity
Creativity brings fresh, innovative solutions to old problems.
Example Scenario: Using creativity, you can find new ways to manage your workload and address the fear of failure, perhaps by setting more realistic goals or finding alternative strategies to accomplish tasks.
Clarity
Clarity is the clear vision that cuts through confusion.
Example Scenario: Gaining clarity helps you understand the root cause of your overwhelm and fear of failure, allowing you to make decisions that align with your true values, goals, and needs.
The 5 P’s of IFS: Practicing Presence and Patience
Last but not least, we have the 5 P’s: Playfulness, Patience, Persistence, Perspective, and Presence. These elements encourage us to approach our inner work with a light heart and steady hand.
Playfulness
Playfulness invites us to approach our inner world with a sense of fun and creativity.
Example Scenario: Using humor to lighten the mood when feeling overwhelmed at work. This playful approach can help reduce the intensity of your fear of failure and make problem-solving more enjoyable.
Patience
Patience reminds us that healing takes time.
Example Scenario: Being patient with yourself as you work through your fear of failure and overwhelm. Recognizing that change is a gradual process can help you stay committed without becoming frustrated.
Persistence
Persistence is the commitment to keep going, even when the path gets tough.
Example Scenario: Continuing to address your fear of failure, even when progress feels slow. Persistence helps you maintain your efforts and eventually see improvements in managing your overwhelm at work.
Perspective
Perspective helps us see things from different angles.
Example Scenario: Reframing your experience of the critical parent from childhood can shift your perspective on your fear of failure. Understanding that the parent's criticism was more about their own fears and insecurities, and not a reflection of your worth, can help you release some of the internalized negative beliefs. This new perspective can help you see yourself in a more positive light and reduce the impact of past criticism.
Presence
Presence is about the felt sense of Self and Self-energy that helps soothe and support your parts.
Example Scenario: Bringing the presence of your Self to the part of you that fears failure can create a calming and reassuring environment. This felt sense of Self-energy can help the fearful part feel seen, understood, and supported, reducing its intensity and help you tend to its overwhelm more effectively.
Final Thoughts
So, there you have it—the 6 F’s, 8 C’s, and 5 P’s of IFS. They might sound like they belong in a Dr. Seuss book, but these alliterative elements are powerful tools for understanding and harmonizing your inner world. By working with an IFS therapist anchored in these concepts, you can foster self-compassion, clarity, and connectedness, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Whether you’re just starting your journey with IFS or are a seasoned explorer of your inner landscape, remember that each part of you is inherently valuable and deserves attention. So next time you hear your therapist talking about the 6 F’s or the 8 C’s, you can smile, knowing that these whimsical-sounding concepts are paving the way to real, lasting change. I’m happy to provide IFS therapy online and in person for individuals, women, and therapists.
