Living a Self-Led Life
Therapy is weird. Really, it is.
As professionals, there are a lot of different opinions about what it could and should be, and as clients, people have all different kinds of experiences in therapy.
Because, what even is therapy, and what does "living a self-led life" even mean?
Today, I’m going to write about what I offer in therapy to my clients – which might be different from what you’ve experienced before or from what other clinicians offer. Cool. This is just a glimpse into one way therapists and clients can work together. Personally, it’s my favorite way as both a client and a therapist.
Internal Family Systems Therapy
I might be biased, but I think Internal Family System Therapy (IFS) is particularly hard to describe because it's very experiential and as an IFS therapist, I am basically a guide and a mirror. I show up, make space for you, and reflect the different parts of yourself back to you.
I help you hear yourself – and by that I mean I help you hear the words you are saying, but more importantly, I help you organize and map it all out so you can differentiate between other people’s expectations, societal expectations, stereotypes, limiting beliefs and eventually, clear enough space to be able to hear YOUR SELF.
YOUR SELF.
Not yourself. Your self.
As in, the possessive form of the second-person pronoun “you”.
The self that belongs to you – I help you hear it. Her true feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and goals. I stand back, and help you find you.
Because the truth is – I don’t have the answers you need. I don’t know what you need or how you feel as well as you do. I don’t know if you should break up with him or give it another try. I don’t know if you’ll be happy with a mid-life career change. I don’t know if you should hold strong, no-contact boundaries with toxic members of your family or try to maintain the relationship.
I. Don’t. Know.
But you do.
You do.
You do.
You just don’t realize it...yet.
Self and Self Energy in IFS
I believe inside of each and every one of us, we have a core. It’s the thing inside us that makes us…us. Where you know, instinctually, what you want, how you feel, what you think, and what you need. IFS calls this Self, and the essence of Self, Self Energy.
My work as an IFS therapist is to help you learn how to connect both with the different part of yourself and with your core Self. I help you learn to differential between parts and Self, and hear them both, so you can start living a life that is led by your Self – instead of being primarily led by parts that are often burdened by other people’s voices and opinions, or your own limiting beliefs and the stories you’ve been stuck in for too long.
Honestly – I kind of visualize the process of learning to be self-tuned like Clark Kent learning to use his super hearing. When he engages it at first, it’s a cacophony of a million sounds and it’s incredibly overwhelming and jarring. Seriously – I can barely stand to watch those scenes in Smallville.
But, as he learns to focus the skill, he can tune in with total precision to the one thing he’s trying to hear and it becomes crystal clear while everything else fades into the background. The work I do with clients is like helping them learn to use their own super hearing, internally. My clients learn to tune in with precision and they gain clarity when they can hear their own inner voice.
Now, imagine how different life would be if you could actually hear your Self. If you could live your life led by that Self, while still tending to all the other parts of yourself. What would be different? How would it be different? How would you be different?
Like I said at the beginning, IFS isn't the only kind of therapy out there – mental health is a broad field. This is just the space I live in as a therapist. And I love what I do because I see it bring such relief to my clients every single day.
