The Bossy Yoda
Managers Parts in IFS
Welcome back to part two of our series on Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts! In the last post, we explored the concept of parts – those sub-personalities that make up our inner world. We learned that these parts, with their unique needs and roles, can sometimes lead to internal conflict.
Today, we'll delve deeper into a specific type of part: the Managers. These are the bossy Yodas (or Hermoine Grangers or Monica Gellers) of our internal system, diligently working to keep us safe and secure. And sometimes, their well-intentioned efforts can create unintended consequences.
What are the Manager Parts of IFS?
Imagine yourself scrolling through social media, seeing the perfectly curated vacation photos or seemingly effortless achievements of your friends and acquaintances. A part of you, anticipating the inevitable pang of inadequacy, might jump in with a critical voice: "Look at how much fun they're having! You should be doing more with your life." In light of the part’s intention (to keep you from feeling bad), this part can mostly likely be identified as a Manager.
Manager parts are all about planning, strategizing, and controlling. They want to ensure we avoid negative emotions and experiences. They often develop in childhood in response to difficult situations, like neglect, criticism, abuse, or bullying. These experiences teach them that the world can be a scary place, and their primary function is keeping us safe.
Here are some common ways Manager parts show up:
The Perfectionist: This type of manager might strive for flawlessness, pushing you to achieve high standards. While this can be motivating in some cases, it can also lead to anxiety and self-criticism.
The People Pleaser: This kind of manager could prioritize others' needs and wants, often neglecting your own to avoid conflict or disapproval.
The Overthinker: This manager might analyze situations endlessly, trying to anticipate every possible outcome to avoid making mistakes.
What are Protective Parts in IFS Therapy?
It's important to understand that Manager parts are a type of protective part. All protective parts, including Managers, are ultimately trying to protect us from something we perceive as threatening.
Think back to the social media example. The Manager part’s fear is a valid reaction, and its desire to protect you from feeling bad is understandable. The problem arises when the Manager's strategies become rigid or excessive, often creating more problems than they solve, or bringing about the very thing they are trying to avoid.
Sometimes, the distinction between the two types of protector parts (managers and firefighters) is blurry. At the end of the day, “accurately” categorizing parts into managers or firefighters matters less than building a relationship with these protective parts does. By getting to know them, accepting and appreciating their role, and offering them compassion, we can create a more harmonious inner world.
What is the Difference Between Managers and Firefighters in IFS?
“Think of it this way: the Manager tries to lock the door to prevent danger from entering, while a Firefighter might set off the fire alarm (with unhealthy behaviors) to distract us from the smoke (negative emotions) already in the room.”
Another type of protective part is the Firefighter. While Managers are proactive, trying to prevent danger, Firefighters are reactive. They kick in when we're already experiencing a negative emotion, like anxiety or sadness, and use unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb the pain.
Think of it this way: the Manager tries to lock the door to prevent danger from entering, while a Firefighter might set off the fire alarm (with unhealthy behaviors) to distract us from the smoke (negative emotions) already in the room.
We'll explore Firefighters in more detail in the next blog post.
What is the Difference Between a Manager and an Exile?
While both Managers and Exiles can develop from past experiences, they serve distinct purposes within your inner world.
Exiles are the parts that carry leftover burdens – feelings, beliefs, sensations, or thoughts – from painful experiences. Imagine an Exile as a locked box, holding onto shame, sadness, anger, or even a deep-seated belief of being unlovable or not good enough. These emotions were often shut down or ignored in childhood to protect you at the time, but they remain hidden within you, disconnected from your present awareness.
Managers, on the other hand, are protector parts actively involved in your daily life. They focus on controlling situations in the present moment to keep you safe and secure. These strategies might be based on lessons learned from past experiences, but their primary concern is your well-being now. Think of a Manager as a security guard, constantly scanning the environment for potential threats and taking action to keep you out of harm's way.
By understanding this key difference, you can start to identify when Manager's efforts might be stemming from an underlying Exile's pain. This awareness is crucial for developing compassion for both parts and creating a more harmonious inner world.
How to Work with a Manager Part
So, how can we develop a healthier relationship with our Manager parts? Here are some places to start:
Acknowledge and appreciate their efforts: Thank your Manager for trying to keep you safe. Recognize the positive intention behind their actions.
Identify their triggers: What situations or emotions activate your Manager? Once you know the triggers, you can develop alternative coping mechanisms.
Negotiate with your Manager: Let your Manager know that you understand its concerns, but you'd also like to consider other perspectives. Explore options that address both safety and growth.
By understanding your Manager parts and their motivations, you can begin to take charge of your inner world. Remember, IFS therapy isn't about getting rid of parts; it's about building a more harmonious internal system where all parts feel heard, valued, and less stressed.
In the next post, we'll explore Firefighters – the reactive and often impulsive protectors who rush in to extinguish emotional fires. Stay tuned to learn how to identify and work with these equally valuable parts!
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