How Long Does it Take for IFS to Work?
As a therapist who firmly believes in the importance of the therapist-client match for successful therapy (a belief supported by research, btw), I do my best to only say yes to a potential new client when I am reasonably confident that we can work well together. One of the earliest ways I do this is by starting anyone interested in working with me off with a 20-minute free consultation by phone (self-scheduled though because #effecient).
This isn’t groundbreaking - a lot of therapists offer free consultations.
However, most will use these intro calls to ask their questions of the client. I, on the other hand, prefer to send a brief questionnaire with my questions for you before we get on the phone - and I do this for exactly three reasons.
One: it allows me to do a high-level, broad assessment of our fit and thereby, protect you against the potential disappointment of not being a match for each other due to something we can see from a mile away, like incompatible schedules, etc. Looking for a therapist can be hard enough as is and I think it’s a kindness to knock that stuff out ahead of time before you start to feel invested in our working together.
Two: it gives you time to think before answering without feeling surprised or put on the spot by my questions.
Three: it means we can prioritize your questions for me on our call.
Speaking of your questions for me (which, by the way, you are absolutely allowed to ask questions of any therapist you consider working with), this is typically how that part of the consultation goes:
Me: “So - do you have any questions for me?”
Client: “Not really. I don’t think so. Well - maybe one…how long do people usually do therapy for?”
I’m never, ever surprised when I hear this question. It’s one of the most common ones to come up in that 20-minute call. And, here’s my answer: Asking how long therapy will take is like asking how long it will take to get through security at the airport: it varies, and it’s often a bit longer than you’d like. However, in my opinion, it’s more pleasant and certainly more rewarding than any interaction with TSA. Just saying.
The reason WHY this is true, however, takes a bit longer to explain.
How long does IFS take to work?
The most helpful thing to talk about when someone is asking how long it might take for Internal Family Systems therapy to work is how they are defining the word “work”. If “working” means feeling some relief from what’s been bothering you, this typically requires a relatively small number of sessions. “Relative to what?” you might ask. Hold on, we’ll get there.
In my experience, when clients call me it’s because something, in general, feels “bad” about their life and, more often than not, no one in their life a) knows about it, b) “gets it” in the way they need them to, and even c) they themselves don’t “get it” about whatever feels bad.
So, when they show up and we begin to do work that provides laser-accurate understanding, they finally feel like they aren’t alone with whatever is bothering them - sometimes, for the first time in years or even decades. That will provide a pretty big, initial sense of relief.
However, also in my experience, that initial relief is only the beginning of what’s possible. It’s akin to getting a cough drop for strep throat - the relief is real, but it’s only temporary and if you don’t get to the root of the problem, the pain will come back. So, while a relatively small number of sessions will provide some initial relief, we can do better…if you’re into that kind of thing.
How many sessions is IFS therapy?
To be honest, I don’t see much of a connection between the number of sessions clients attend and their “progress” (which again - depends on how we define the word “progress”). What I do see are patterns and trends. Clients seem to go through a few phases/rhythms/cycles in therapy and, while not definitive in any way, here’s the best I can describe them:
First, there’s usually a period of time in which we are exploring whatever feels problematic. This phase is often marked by that initial relief from being accurately understood, as described earlier. Many clients often contemplate ending therapy here. They feel better and they think they aren’t sure what more there is left to do (in reality - they don’t know how much more is possible). It’s not unusual to feel stalled out at this point re: what to talk about from session to session when there isn’t a fresh crisis/argument/drama/problem each week.
While I don’t believe it to be a mistake to end therapy here, I do like to let clients know that internal family systems therapy can go much deeper than symptom relief or management. An IFS therapy experience can mend old wounds, tend to day-to-day concerns, and, if you’ll bear with me stretching for a rhyme here, fend off future internal complications by building resiliency.
Mend, tend, fend. I can’t believe I’m going with that rhyming scheme.
Ok, ANYWAY - this means remaining in therapy even when things feel “good”. And THAT requires a mindset shift from viewing therapy as the treatment of a problem to a relationship with self and with the therapist that facilitates said mending/tending/fending.
The second part is usually a repeat of the first phase, only the understanding and accompanying relief are much deeper this go-around. Often, this is a space where a lot of connections are made and insights dawn.
Importantly, this is also often where things can feel worse (again) before they feel better (again). In this phase, sometimes the insight that dawns is our part in something we’ve been blaming others for, or believed ourselves helpless to change until someone else does. The deeper understanding you gain about XYZ thing often means you see that thing ev-er-y-where in your life (like when you buy a new car that seemed really unique and original and then you realize it’s ev-er-y-where).
This brings us to the third phase - and it’s where things become experiential. This phase sets internal family systems apart from other therapies because we move from talking about our thoughts/feelings/beliefs/behaviors/impulses etc etc to talking to them. This difference is how the mending lasts and it’s what facilitates effective tending and fending.
A note about talking TO our thoughts/feelings: Yes, it feels weird in the beginning but I promise, once it’s not weird anymore, it starts to feel absurd that we ever did anything else. I do my best to describe what I mean about moving from talking about them to them as parts here.
What are the goals of IFS therapy?
As someone who has completed three levels of training through the IFS Institute, I can tell you that there are four overarching goals for internal family systems work, usually discussed in broad themes. I could get WAY into the weeds about the theory of IFS to explain each, but I’ll save that for a future post. For now, and without a dissertation on each one, here are the four main goals of IFS therapy:
Liberate parts from the roles they've been forced into, so they can be in their naturally valuable state
Note: If you find yourself asking something like “How do you identify parts in IFS?” - I would, personally, add that (being able to identify parts) as a subgoal to this first one. And, if you happen to be a woman in your 30’s or 40’s, I’ve got a few examples of common parts that show up for women just like you on this page).
Restore trust in the Self and Self-leadership
Reharmonize the inner system
Become more self-led in our interactions with the world
Each of these goals is both a means and an end to the mending, tending, and yes, even the fending off of future internal fracturing that investing in Internal Family Systems therapy as a paradigm for living can offer.
Final Thoughts
The question of how long it takes for IFS therapy to work is simple, yet the answer is nuanced and rooted in individual experiences and goals. From feeling accurately understood, to exploring problematic patterns, gaining deeper insights, and ultimately engaging in experiential work with your parts, IFS therapy is a journey of self-discovery and healing. I’m happy to offer support with IFS therapy for individuals, women, and therapists alike!
