UNFILTERED:
Making the Invisible, Visible
If therapy and Fight Club have a common thread, it's their first rule: don't talk about it. This code works wonders if you're in the loop, but it's less helpful when you're on the sidelines, contemplating whether or not to step into the ring.
Think of these articles as your insider's guide to therapy.
I'll offer you a candid view of my work as a therapist, without sacrificing the sacredness of my client's confidentiality. Like your favorite reality TV show, we'll delve into the highs, lows, and 'pour-the-red-wine' moments of life for women in their 30s and 40s.
I'm pulling back the curtain on the invisible world of therapy for women who think their struggles aren't "significant enough", one blog post at a time.
The Emotional Genie
Today, we'll delve deeper into another type of protector part – Firefighters. These parts function as the alarm systems of our inner world, reacting swiftly (and sometimes impulsively) to extinguish emotional fires. Unlike Managers who focus on preventing danger, Firefighters spring into action after we're already feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions - often without much consideration for their impact on others, or on the long-term.
A Tale of Two Parts: A Case Study Based on Real IFS Sessions
Do you ever feel like you're at war with yourself? Logic pulls you one way, while a nagging anxiety whispers doubts in the other ear. Dive into a real client case study to see how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy empowers individuals to understand their inner conflicts. Learn how IFS helped a client heal past wounds, find self-compassion, and make decisions that felt truly aligned with her values.
What is IFS Therapy Used For?
IFS therapy offers a revolutionary approach to healing and self-discovery because, unlike traditional therapy, IFS doesn't focus on fixing you. Instead, it guides you towards understanding and befriending various parts of yourself. That's the power of IFS - reworking the relationship you have with yourself, and by extension, others.
The Two Most Important Things You Don't Know About Yourself (But Should)
Most people have zero clue WHY they do what they do - not with any real accuracy, anyway. We stumble through life on autopilot, reacting to situations with a vague sense of "because I should" or "because that's just me."
Spoiler alert: Surface-level explanations don’t cut it. You might tell yourself you procrastinate "because I'm lazy" or snap at a colleague "because they're annoying." These explanations feel true on the surface, but they don't address the root cause.
But guess what? There's a way to break free from behaviors, habits, or feelings you feel trapped by: and it starts with identifying two of the most important things about you.
The Good Woman's Guide To Not Taking Things Personally
IFS therapy is like sitting down with your inner drama queen and gently asking "What's happening that you are making such a fuss?" You're not shutting her up; you're giving her a microphone. And guess what? When you let her speak - when you help her feel heard - she won’t need to wield a megaphone anymore.
The Gift of Curiosity in Conflict
Curiosity works because when it's genuine, it's truly agenda-free. Ever notice how when you're frustrated with yourself about why you do XYZ thing in conflict, you get 0% closer to figuring out why you do that thing? Or to...not doing it anymore?
That's because the part of you doing the thing you hate feels defensive; you're trying to change it before truly understanding it.
Dealing with Difficult Feelings
Sometimes, my job as a therapist is to share a hard truth with clients. Today, I’ll cut right to it: dealing with difficult feelings starts by learning that your feelings are real – and – they may not be reflective of reality. it's okay to feel a certain way, even if it doesn't fully align with the reality of the situation, and it's important not to invalidate your emotions because they're a part of you. This introspective process can be empowering, liberating, and ultimately, healing.
Having Feelings About Your Feelings
"Both can be true" - this is a little nugget I offer to clients when they are torn between their feelings and their feelings about their feelings (humans are unique in that way). When we dig into those struggles, most clients describe experiencing a tug-of-war going on inside of them.
Dealing with Feelings – the Logical Way
You can’t let go of something you don’t own. This is quickly becoming my new mantra in regard to dealing with difficult emotions. We think we don't know what to do with difficult emotions, but in my personal and professional life, I’ve found that the best approach to dealing with difficult emotions is actually fairly logical.